This is part three of a series we’re calling War. You might think this series has a negative tone, but I believe it’s one of the most life-giving series we’ve ever taught at Rise Church. Yes, we have an enemy, and yes, this series is helping us confront him. But the victory is already ours! God’s Word tells us not just how the enemy attacks, but how God helps us overcome every single one of those attacks.
When I was growing up in the 1980s and 90s, the enemy’s attacks seemed a lot more subtle. Now you can look around the world, and evil’s not even hiding anymore. I was also taught growing up that if you believe in Jesus, the enemy can’t touch you. Then I went to college and figured out that ain’t true. Even as Christians, we can have demonic things come against our lives, and we need to be prepared. Paul made it so clear:
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:10-12 (NIV)
We have to learn to recognize when the enemy is attacking us. Through the authority of Jesus Christ, we can confront him and see his deception for what it is.
Today’s topic gets a little touchy. It might reveal something you’ve seen in other people, and you might want to send this to somebody. But I want you to receive this message for yourself and hear it from God, because today’s topic is offense.
Offense is a trap
Offense is when something someone did or said hurts you and you hang on to it. You almost can’t avoid being hurt by something someone does or says to you. But you can choose whether or not you hang on to it.
The Greek word for offense is skandalon. It sounds kind of like “scandalous,” but the way the Greek defines it, it’s a trap. It’s like the lure or the bait.
I love to go fishing, because it’s a puzzle. Bass change their feeding patterns, sometimes hourly, and you have to figure out where they are and what they’re feeding on. On my best day on the water ever, I took my little jon boat out on the Coosa River with a fish finder. I found an underwater ditch with a ball of bait fish on one side and a school of spotted bass in the trench. I cast my crankbait down there and hooked up on the first cast. Second cast, I hooked up again. Seven casts, five fish. I’ve not replicated it since.
What happened there? I figured out where they were and what they were feeding on, and I tricked them. A crankbait looks like the thing they’re eating, but it has a hook in it. It’s artificial, and they still bite it. That leads to them being in my boat, then in my fryer, and then in my belly.
The enemy also has lures. A lot of times, the things that come to us look like something we might want. But it’s a lie. It might look like it’s life-giving, but it’s really soul-taking. Author and pastor John Bevere wrote an entire book on offense called The Bait of Satan. Get it if you want it. It’s fantastic. Offense affects Christ followers a lot more than it should. We’re taking some things too sensitively, and we really should trust God with these areas.
Where offense comes from
I wrote down a few causes of offense.
It didn’t go the way I expected. You counted on somebody, and they fell through for you.
Someone else got the favor. You deserved it, and the other person got the promotion.
I’m carrying the load and nobody notices. You feel like you’re doing it all, and nobody sees how much you’re putting in.
Getting hurt by someone close. It was somebody you trusted and loved, so it’s almost like a betrayal, and it cuts deeper. All of a sudden you wall up so nobody can get that close again. Sometimes that wall goes between you and God.
Some of you have been hurt in ways that were real hurt. Abuse. Things that should never have happened. I want you to know you’re seen, and that was not God’s will for your life. But God can take that situation and redeem it. If somebody has hurt you so badly that you don’t even know if it’s forgivable, I want to share with you that yes, you can forgive.
Picking up somebody else’s offense. You’ve seen those passive aggressive Facebook posts: “Wow. Some people really show you their true colors. Not naming names, but you know who you are.” Then they end it with “Praying for you” and “#blessed.” Putting that at the end does not make it a godly statement. It’s easy to vent online and let your followers chime in, but that’s a terrible way to do things.
Words. Sometimes what somebody says to you is unkind, and you replay it over and over. Those words become the only thing that matters, and it’s easier to stay mad.
When I was 13 or 14, my brother Jon and I had a scanner, back when cell phones were analog and you could listen in on calls. One day we heard someone from our church bashing my dad over a building project. I went to my dad upset and told him everything the guy said.
My dad said, “David, I’m so sorry that you and Jon even heard that. Sometimes people talk like that about other people. But I don’t let it get to me, and I hope you don’t let it get to you either. You’ve got to trust God to give grace to you and to that guy about what he said.”
That was a great lesson for a 13-year-old about the power of words. My dad wasn’t going to let those words rest in my heart.
I read the situation wrong. Sometimes we get upset without all the information. I’m happy to admit that’s been me. Then they explain it, and I’m like, “Oh, my bad.”
Being offended at God. The pain can be real. Maybe you’ve been waiting on an unanswered prayer for so long that you wonder if God even cares. One national survey found that 62% of people said they are sometimes angry at God, and I bet that’s a conservative estimate.
People were even offended at the words of Jesus. In John 6, after Jesus fed the 5,000, the crowd chased Him across the lake. He told them they were there for the bread, not for Him, and He offered them Himself: “I am the bread of life.” Then He said they would have to eat His flesh and drink His blood. We understand that as communion with Christ, but His disciples couldn’t comprehend it. They said, “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?” And Jesus asked, “Does this offend you?”
From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. John 6:66-68 (NIV)
I love that the twelve stayed. They didn’t let those words offend them.
Naaman and Gehazi
In 2 Kings 5, Naaman was the commander of the army of Aram. He was a great man, but he had leprosy. He went to the prophet Elisha to get healed, and Elisha didn’t even come out to meet him. He sent a messenger to tell Naaman to wash seven times in the Jordan River.
But Naaman went away angry and said, “I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy. Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? Couldn’t I wash in them and be cleansed?” So he turned and went off in a rage. 2 Kings 5:11-12 (NIV)
Sometimes the Bible is funny to me. Have you ever known somebody who had a scene in their mind of how something was going to go, and then it went differently and made them mad? Have you ever had that person be you? Me too. Naaman could have been healed, and he was mad about how it was happening. Offense almost cost him the very thing he came for.
Thankfully, his servants talked sense into him. He dipped seven times, and the Bible says his flesh was restored like a young man’s. He went back to Elisha and offered him a gift, but Elisha would not accept it.
Then somebody else got upset. Elisha’s servant Gehazi said to himself, “My master was too easy on Naaman, this Aramean, by not accepting from him what he brought. As surely as the Lord lives, I will run after him and get something from him.” Gehazi resented the grace Elisha showed Naaman. So he got greedy, chased Naaman down, and lied to get silver from him. When Elisha confronted him, he lied again, and Gehazi was cursed with Naaman’s leprosy.
I think that curse is really telling for us today. It’s like a physical manifestation of a spiritual sin. There are consequences to staying offended. And offense is contagious. If we’re offended, we’ve got to get over it fast so the people around us don’t catch it. When you’re around somebody who’s offended, maybe keep your distance, because they might talk you into being offended along with them.
The root grows into fruit
Offense always starts with a root.
See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Hebrews 12:15 (NIV)
The root grows up and becomes fruit. It’s going to produce a certain kind of fruit in your life.
The root of bitterness. A wound has festered. It’s like an infection has set in, in our heart and in our soul. Whatever the offense was, it’s now a way bigger deal than it ever should have been, because we didn’t treat the wound properly.
The root of resentment. Resentment is feeling ill will toward somebody over something you see as a wrong they’ve done to you. The Latin word resentire is where we get “resent,” and it translates as “re-feel.” Resentment is when you let a feeling of offense affect you again and again. You have an infected wound, and you keep poking at it.
The root of selfishness. It’s blaming the other person. It’s their fault, not mine. You might feel like you’re preserving yourself by staying offended and distant, but you know it’s not working.
The root of insecurity. This is when your sense of worth depends on how people treat you. If you don’t have security in Jesus Christ, any little thing feels like it’s coming against who you are at your very core. “I didn’t get invited.” “They never replied to my text.” “That person got all the credit and I got none.” The insecure heart hears “you don’t matter” or “you’re not enough.”
Any one of those roots, or a combination of them, can become the fruit of unforgiveness.
Offense is demonic
The whole point of the enemy attacking us with offense is to keep us in unforgiveness, because unforgiveness separates us from God. If the enemy can trick us into not forgiving, then we don’t understand the forgiveness that came through Jesus Christ.
But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. James 3:14-15 (NIV)
Offense is absolutely demonic. The good news is we have the antidote, and the antidote to offense is to forgive. If the Word of God offends you today, let it, because it’s going to reveal something in you that will help you experience God’s forgiveness in a brand new way.
Paul taught this need to forgive like it’s not optional:
Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes. 2 Corinthians 2:10-11 (NIV)
I heard one preacher say this, and I thought it was brilliant: Heaven is a place where everyone is forgiven. Hell is a place where people choose to remain unforgiven. When you choose to forgive, you’re pulling heaven down into your life. When you choose not to forgive, you might as well be pulling hell up into your life.
Seventy-seven times
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV)
Either way, that’s a bunch of times! Sometimes we forgive somebody, then we wake up the next day and get a little mad again. What should we do? Forgive them again. It’s not about math. It’s about continually being forgiving in your heart.
Then Jesus told the parable of a servant who owed his king ten thousand bags of gold. That’s Elon Musk money before Elon was on the planet. He couldn’t repay, so the king was going to sell him, his family, and everything he had. The man begged for mercy, and the king canceled the whole debt. Then that same servant went out and found a guy who owed him a hundred silver coins. Compared to what he’d been forgiven, that’s like a McDonald’s Happy Meal. When the man couldn’t pay, he had him thrown into prison.
“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.” Matthew 18:32-35 (NIV)
Who is Jesus teaching this to? He’s teaching it to you, and He’s teaching it to me. We can’t be forgiven of so much and then go out and get offended at somebody else.
I think people get stuck on one event, one person, or one offense, because if they forgive, they lose the excuse for why they act the way they do. It’s a lot easier to be mad and blame the other person than to say, “Maybe I should show some grace. Maybe they didn’t know what they were doing.” It’s a false sense of power. It’s like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. You think you’re free, but you’ve actually put yourself into the prison of offense.
So how can we resist offense and live in freedom? I’ve got two points for you.
1. Let it go
It’s simple to say, but not simple to do.
Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t even mean reconciliation. Forgiveness needs only one person, and it’s always possible. Reconciliation needs two people, and it’s not always possible. Should we pursue reconciliation? In most cases, yes.
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:18 (NIV)
But that verse also recognizes times when it’s not possible.
What if somebody did something egregious to you, something truly evil? Do you still need to forgive that person? The answer is yes. It’s really difficult, and we can recognize that. But God’s Word is still clear. It’s not an option to withhold forgiveness. It’s understandable if you’re working it out and praying through it. But if you’re stuck and not willing to move anymore, that’s unforgiveness. You might need the strength of God Almighty to help you, and I totally get that. But you need to be moving toward forgiveness with the firm expectation that you will forgive.
You don’t have to stay in a relationship with that offender. If there’s been abuse, it’s probably best for you not to be in a relationship with them. It may be safer. But you can’t carry that offense. That belongs to God.
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. Mark 11:25 (NIV)
Our own forgiveness by God is directly connected to whether we have forgiven the people who have hurt us.
2. Leave it with God
Once you let it go, you need to leave it with God. That is where it has to stay. If you’ve ever let something go before, you know it can come right back like a boomerang. I don’t want my offense to be a boomerang. I want to send it off like a kite, and I’m not even holding the string.
Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery. If anybody had something to be offended about, it was Joseph. Years later, he was second in command in Egypt during a famine, and his brothers were standing in front of him asking for food. When he revealed himself, they expected revenge.
But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. Genesis 50:19-20 (NIV)
That’s where we try to put ourselves when we stay offended. We put ourselves in the place of God, to be the judge and the jury.
Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. Romans 12:19 (NIV)
Cancel the debt
Here’s a simple, practical exercise. Do it in your mind, or on a piece of paper if that helps. First, get the person who offended you in your mind. Then name the offense, whatever they did or said. Then acknowledge what was taken from you, because in every offense, something has been stolen. Then draw a line through it. Cancel the debt. Forgive that person.
Why would you do this? Because Jesus did that for you. He went to the cross with you on His mind and the offense of your sin on His mind. And on that cross, as the nails went into His hands, He canceled that debt. The greatest debt you’ve ever had has been paid off by Jesus Christ. Why would you hold an offense against anybody else?
When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross. Colossians 2:13-14 (NIV)
The only perfect one who ever lived laid down His life and took the curse you were owed so that you could be blessed. As He was dying, He said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). He was the one most qualified to be offended, and He asked God to forgive them.
Missy’s story
In our own marriage, we have a story of this. I asked Missy for permission to share it, and she said yes. She has shared it openly with many people in our church.
When she was 12 years old, someone her family should have been able to trust was taking care of her, and that person did something very evil to her. It was the egregious kind of abuse. He took her stability and her peace, and he stole her ability to trust people at a very tender age. Her parents found out, the right people found out, and thankfully she was able to walk through a process.
She shared it with me when we were dating. She was still working through the trauma with the Lord, but she hadn’t made the decision to forgive that man. I carried that offense too. I hated this guy for what he did to the woman who was now my wife. But I watched Missy walk through it with such faith in God, and I sensed she was going to have the strength to forgive.
About a year into our marriage, she came to me and said, “It’s time. I’m choosing to forgive him for what he did.”
I chose to do that as well. I didn’t have nearly as much to forgive as she did, but I chose to walk in that forgiveness with her. Watching her from that moment forward has been the delight of my life. If you know her, you know she is filled with joy. She is so strong, and she’s filled with peace. That’s a miracle of God Almighty. What the enemy meant for evil, God redefined. Because of her faithfulness to forgive, God has used her in ministry, and we’ve raised three amazing kids.
That was a path she chose 20 or so years ago, and it could have been very different. Today I’m asking you to choose that same path: to forgive, to let it go, and to leave it with God.
Choose freedom
Lord Jesus, forgive us for being offended. Forgive us for letting situations blow up into something they never should have been. Help us live life with grace and show others grace. We want freedom, Lord. We don’t want to live in a prison of offense. We want the freedom that comes when we choose to forgive, because You forgave us. Thank You, Jesus, for Your forgiveness.
If you’ve never experienced God’s forgiveness, it’s impossible to forgive others until you’ve been forgiven. Jesus paid that price for you. If you believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and make Him Lord of your life, you’re saved. Pray this with me:
“Lord Jesus, thank You for saving me. Thank You for forgiving me. Help me forgive others. Thank You for this salvation that can only come through You. I receive You and make You Lord of my life. Thank You for giving me eternity. I will live my life for You. In Jesus’ mighty name, amen.”
If you prayed that prayer, we would love to help you take your next step. Visit rise.church to let us know.
